he says, she says
by Ice of the Kitsune's Fire
Summary: Apparently, Natsu is pregnant.


It all starts when Happy walks in on the two while Natsu has conveniently placed himself behind Lucy, and has pressed himself against her fully while she is sleeping soundly.

Happy stares for so long that the awkwardness causes Lucy to wake up; she sees that Natsu is practically spooning her, and screams something that sounds a lot like, "_Bloody Murder!_" and proceeds to throw the (rather nude) Natsu out of her window.

Happy flies away, half-screaming and half-cackling to the guild.

"MIRA!" Happy zooms up to the pretty bartender, who looks up expectedly. "IjustsawLucyandNatsuand-"

"Oh, Lucy and Natsu, huh?" Mirajane stops polishing the glass she's holding and looks up, interested. "What's up, Happy?"

Happy pauses for a moment before bleating out, "Natsu and Lucy were sleeping together!" as loud as his tiny little body can muster.

Mirajane promptly falls over in a dead faint.

"WHAT?" Juvia screeches from across the room, and then rejoices. "Lucy-san has finally seen the light! Gray, there is nothing separating us anymore!"

Poor Gray cannot put up any resistance as he, too, has fallen over unconscious.

"It's about time the bunny girl got laid!" Gajeel cackles, and Levy promptly whacks the dragonslayer over the head before she agrees loudly. Makarov weeps in a corner out of jealousy as Erza stalks up to Happy.

"Tell me, is this true?" The woman asks, a completely serious face plastered on. Happy shudders and recounts his tale.

"Neither of them were wearing clothes! A-and, uh, he was holding her _realllyy_ close, and Natsu was even smiling in his sleep, and _they weren't wearing clothes_!" Happy wails and attempts to try and pull out his hair in frustration.

"I see," Erza nods sagely. Then she proceeds to faint as well.

It's at t his point, when half the guild has fainted dead away, that Lucy stalks in, with Natsu in tow. Her face is easily pissed off enough to match Erza, Happy notes in an aside. Really, he's too busy shuddering at the mental images.

_Oh, woe! The mental images_!

"ARE YOU PREGNANT?" Happy wails and hides behind Mirajane, who bolts up, immediately alert.

"PREGNANT?" She shrieks. The entire guild has now focused their attention on the fire-breathing mage and blonde girl. The latter is a very interesting shade of red; Natsu is still half-naked and half-asleep.

"No, no!" Lucy squeals in response. "It's not like that! Listen, this happens all the time-"

"ALL THE TIME?" The entire guild explodes.

Erza suddenly bolts up and strides up to Natsu (who has started turning a nice shade of purple). After several tense moments, Erza nods.

"Don't ever leave her side," Erza says monotonously. Natsu nods shakily, and Erza gives her own nod of approval. "I understand. I'm leaving her in your care now, Natsu."

"I'm telling you it's not like that!" Lucy practically screams. "He's done this before-"

"Before? Oh, my!" Mirajane is blushing from information overload, and keels over again. Happy pats her reassuringly before following suit.

"I'm not pregnant!" Lucy groans. "And Natsu didn't-"

"Natsu, you're pregnant?" Juvia asks, and for a moment, Lucy thinks that Juvia is the only one who is correctly appalled and disgusted.

Then Juvia continues, "Thank you for no taking away my rival in love! I give you my full permission to date!"

"Uh, thanks?" Natsu tries.

"Congratulations on the baby!" Innocent, innocent Wendy strolls up to Natsu, wondering _wait, wasn't it usually the _girl who got pregnant?

Oh, well. She was only so young- it was natural not to understand these things.

Trying her best to look like she got it, Wendy puts a hand on Natsu's stomach and nods sagely. "I see! There is indeed life blooming inside!"

Really, all she feels is a hard stomach and the warmth of the fire mage. But if that was how people got pregnant, then… Wendy blushes and skips away, embarrassed by the thought of it.

"You think?" Natsu brightens considerably, and tosses Lucy a look. "Hey, Lucy, I'm pregnant! What'll we name it if it's a girl?"

"You're not pregnant! And I didn't sleep with you!" Lucy is practically in tears now.

"Oh, I see. Wait, we didn't?" Natsu gives Lucy a blank look. "But I sleep with you all the time-"

"Oh, Natsu, you dirty pig!" Levy cackles and skips away.

"Natsu's pregnant?" Gajeel blinks once, twice, then pinches himself and decides to go back to sleep.

"If it's a boy," Natsu says in all seriousness, "then we're naming him Igneel, Lucy."

Lucy wondered who in the world had decided to curse her today- it wasn't because she was atheist, was it?

"_I didn't sleep with you_," Lucy hisses murderously. Natsu stares.

"Yes, you did- oh _I see_, you want to do this the right way. Okay." Natsu gets down in front of Lucy, and Lucy immediately turns a million shades of red.

"Lucy. Marry me."

There are several terse moments as the guild stares at the oblivious couple before Lucy howls, "at least do it properly, you idiot!"

Natsu's gaze follows her, dumbfounded, as Lucy hightails it out of the guild, her entire face flustered and flushed.

"Well," Natsu beams happily, "I'll take that as a yes!"

* * *

><p>AN: Review for the sake of Natsu's baby.


End file.
